The reasons that women may not be enjoying sex are numerous and often complex. Sexual experiences reflect the mingling of the mind and the body. What goes on in the mind is affected not only by what is going on sexually and non-sexually between the partners, but by everything that has gone on in the woman’s life. Sometimes even experiences from childhood can be relevant. This means that what she feels when her body is being stimulated by her partner depends not only on the partner’s skill, gentleness, care, and ability to be guided by her needs, but also by what is going on in her mind as all of this proceeds.
A slow approach to sexual play works best
A woman can be pleasured in many ways, include sexual talking, caressing, holding, and physical contact of all of the partner’s body. Focusing early on genital stimulation is often neither pleasant nor arousing, and may even create negative feelings, both physically and emotionally. Similarly, the potential for pleasure from breast touch is usually high but, again, the timing, type and duration of touch that a woman will enjoy can be extremely variable, not only from woman to woman but from one occasion to the next.
Why don’t I feel anything?
Lack of stimulation from intercourse is a common concern. Sensing little physical response from the vagina itself is actually quite appropriate – the vagina is beautifully designed to deliver a baby, and large numbers of highly sensitive nerve endings would be inappropriate. Women have plenty of sexually sensitive structures, but most of them are hidden.
The clitoris – sexually sensitive, but hidden organ
The clitoris is much more extensive than the tiny part that may show under the clitoral hood. The head of the clitoris is highly sensitive, and many women prefer that it not be stimulated directly. This can be stimulated by a finger placed about 1 inch into the vagina, stimulating the front wall. Some women may initially find that this sensation reminds them of an urge to pass urine, but on repeated occasions, pleasure, high arousal and orgasms can be experienced (some have referred to this as the “G” spot).
The path to greater pleasure
Women who feel little pleasure from sexual activity need to consider the different possibilities that might be at the root of it: whether they feel sufficient trust and emotional closeness with their partner, or whether issues from their past are interfering. If this is the case, psychologists, physicians or counselors might be appropriate people to ask for help.